Martyr Musings and stained t-shirts from 2021…
I’ve been in some very messy situations and experiences in my life and I don’t want to ever completely remove the marks. They are teachers, reminders of what this life has shown and taught me. Reminders of how resilient this body is and how much I have grown through. They are reminders that whenever something gets messy, to see it as an opportunity to continue to grow and strengthen awareness.
The End Before the Start…
If I could tell my just starting recovery self one thing it would be to lean in, to listen, to not rush the process. The slow death and ultimate alchemization of my ED was filled with more lessons than any other experience I’ve had.
Why Don’t we Ask?
One of the biggest curiosities I’ve had at this stage of alchemizing addiction is, why doesn’t anybody ask how it’s going? And then I wonder, how many people aren’t being asked? Are we afraid of the answers? Afraid to inconvenience? Maybe we don’t have the time? Or maybe it’s just totally not in awareness? Or maybe something else?
How did i get here?
I accepted the invitation to find home within my own body so that when the time came to serve as a guide once again, it would be from a grounded & centered place of strength, compassion, integrity and openness.
Alchemizing “I’m Sorry"
I feel curious as to why these feelings of regret are being experienced after honoring what is in alignment for us. Why are we making excuses for ourselves?
The Mental Near Death Experience
Really? After everything I’ve done in my life, it’s a poisonous weed that is going to do me in?
Hunger for life
This hunger inside of me, it’s for life. I’ve known it since I was born. Where I used to try to fill a bottomless pit with food and stimulation, that was all to learn that you cannot feed a hungry ghost.
This hunger is satiated only by a live fully lived. A life that is nourished by the unspeakably beautiful range of human experiences we are capable of experiencing…