Why Don’t we Ask?
I remember a time when I was hiding everything. Wearing so many masks, playing countless games and completely lost in my own dis-embodied reality, I stumbled along
As I was constantly calculating how to hide the behaviors and games I was lost in, I was numbing myself from everything, within and without.
Recently something has surfaced about a person I was close to during this chapter and it just makes me wonder, while I was busy making sure no one found out the secrets I was hiding, what were others hiding? What are all of us hiding?
And beyond that, what are the reasons we feel we need to hide? During that time I had a few fears:
If anyone found I was bulimic, they would judge and/or reject me.
It was embarrassing and shameful, what if they found out I didn’t have it all together?
What if they tried to take away the only stable thing I had?
There must be countless other reasons for the psyche to want to protect the habitual behaviors it’s learned in order to give itself a sense of security; even if that security is false. Speaking first hand, we can get so lost in our own illusions that the thought of letting them go is more frightening than their consequences.
What has created this feeling that we need to lie? That we need to hide? I have a few theories and I also invite you to share what comes up for you.
We are deeply conditioned to push to be the same. We are told there is one image of what success looks like and anything other than that is failure.
We start receiving pressure to be or become this image from such an early age that our potential expression of uniqueness is hindered.
We are deeply uncomfortable with our sickened surroundings, systems and structures.
Everything moves so damn fast with so much pressure that we never really have the invitation to get to know ourselves or each other.
It’s easier to check out than face reality.
Life has been so seemingly unfair and challenging that it is easier to lie and form a new story of ‘reality.’
I can relate with all of these. While placing as little judgement as I possibly can, I feel incredibly curious about how we got here, what it looks like to radically accept all of it and what transcendence is possible only through the full acceptance of these limitations.
One of the biggest curiosities I’ve had at this stage of alchemizing addiction is, why doesn’t anybody ask how it’s going? And then I wonder, how many people aren’t being asked? Are we afraid of the answers? Afraid to inconvenience? Maybe we don’t have the time? Or maybe it’s just totally not in awareness? Or maybe something else?
I wonder what a world would look like where instead of always having to go faster and do more, we had more opportunity to really drop in with each other. See the other, see ourselves in their reflection. I hope I see a day where the world reflects these curiosities.
Human Design gives me hope. it helps me to see a world where we could let go of all of these pressures and stories and just be ourselves. Fully and completely. Where we are governed only by our own inner authorities and the mind is free to watch the life unfold. To me, this is magic.
I love you.
