De-conditioning the G Center

journal Entry Sept 21, 2021 From Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

As I arrived to my AirBnB today, alone, in my own space that I had not been invited to, I had an epiphany - my mind is never going to be able to guide me to the right place. That is, I am never going to be in the correct place if I am governed by my mind.

I’m learning about my defined Channel of Struggle. When making mental decisions, this definition will be distorted this and my mind will look to make struggle in everything. It picks these little battles and things to try to manipulate, control or plan so that it can keep itself busy, but the end result will never be feelings of success.

I spent hours on AirBnB trying to find the “right” place because the other place was “wrong.” I spend days working myself up and writing the story that the reason I was feeling ungrounded is because there were so many other people around and too much energy and that once I had my own space it would be all good. But after all this time day dreaming and building expectations, when I arrived in this beautiful, spacious, isolated AirBnB - everything my mind thought it wanted - I felt lost.

I’m beginning to really understand the Open G part of my experiment. The Mind cannot guide my direction. My mind is obsessed with finding love and direction because it thinks that’s what I’m missing, when in reality… it’s not missing at all.

For as long as I allow my mind to control where I go based on trying to fill some kind of lack, this feeling of discomfort will stay. Well, today I choose to consciously let that go and close that loop. Today I choose to lean into Human Design, wait for invitations, to trust I will be recognized and when I am, wait for emotional clarity before responding.

I had spent hours and hours thinking about, researching, and reaching out in regards to where I would go after ceremony - an absurd amount of time - just to play this game and keep my mind busy and allow it to be in control. This not self place of looking for love and direction, the most alive part of my conditioning in this moment.

Well, today I cut that chord. I commit to trusting in being guided and allowing myself to wait and not make plans. The limitless possibilities feel overwhelming, but I’m breathing into that and knowing that wherever I’m invited to go that my emotional authority tells me is correct is going to be the perfect place at the perfect time.

For now, there is nothing to do, nothing to worry about, no where to go. All there is to do is let it be, just let it all be.